Sylvie coming to help, check.  Missy coming to help, check. The girls’ schedule written out, check. Food cooked, check. Stephen’s time off?  My work time off?  Pre-op?  Check, check, check! Surgery????

CHECK.

In my late 20s, as I puffed on a wonderful cigarette, I said rather dreamily, I really, really want to run a marathon. Mmmm, exhale……..And that’s when I got into great shape. I put down smoking for another crazy addiction- running. I quit smoking, trained and ran a few marathons, started yoga…and generally stayed in good shape for years…  Then, sometime later, I got pregnant with twins and gave birth to full term girls, accruing some damage along the way. I developed a hernia about half-way through the pregnancy…and then another. My stomach measured 44 weeks pregnant at 28 weeks, so one can only imagine what happened to my stomach muscles by the time I REALLY reached 38.5 weeks! I think they tried to meet up around my spine as my abdomen grew larger and larger, pushing them farther and farther away form where they once stood, strong and tight. Oh, that might have caused another hernia…

There’s the emotional and psychological transformation that accompanies mama-hood and then there’s the PHYSICAL.OH, the physical. I gained 85lbs during my pregnancy. My feet grew. My back ached. I got carpel tunnel.  I nursed my girls for a year, many months of which was through painful and persistent “plugs.” It was all OK though. The girls were healthy and full-term. That’s what I wanted and I got it. I survived and  in time I would just have to get back to a smaller, healthier self, right???? Maybe not marathon material, but something a teensy bit close to it?? Oh, maybe one day and maybe not. Just at least 50, 60lbs lighter and a lot stronger?

It took time. Nursing helped. Walking helped. The “Pilate’s for Dummies” helped. Yoga helped. Slowly, over time my old physical self surfaced. Albeit, a little different looking than the time before twins occupied my uterus! I lost nearly all the weight over 2 years. I got leaner, I got stronger, but still my back ached. Still my stomach muscles couldn’t contract. Still I had abdominal hernias protruding from my stomach.

I researched quite a bit before deciding on surgery. One of my yoga teachers told me I could correct the hernias (or lessen them) through yoga. The problem was I also had this abdominal separation (diastasis recti) and anything good for the hernias seems to be bad for the muscle separation.  I hoped I could fix the muscle separtion and one day get the hernias repaired. One day later when I didn’t have twin toddlers totting about. The more I researched though, the more I learned how I unrealistic that option was. I needed to repair the hernias AND the muscles. If I only fixed the hernias, more than likely they would come back due to weak stomach muscles.

So I did several consultations. I found THE surgeon. I manuevered the long and arduous insurance drama. I went to several appointments. I danced the insurance tango some more. Cried lots. Was it going to happen? Would it be OK? How would the girls fare during my recovery? How was I going to be a mama to them post-op?How would I deal with work? How would we manage? Oy, oy, oy!

The day came and it went. Like all days. I went in. I had my surgery (I managed to tell everyone in the OR the bliss of Widespread Panic as I drifted to sleep). I stayed the night. I went home. I walked around like an older person. I took pain killers and emptied my drain.

I got majorly bored.  I SO appreciated the help and relaxed knowing they were with people I trusted. The girls had fun visiting with family and friends. I got to know my red couch.I am still getting to know my red couch and trying to breath into this repaired body some wholesome air. For the first time in over 3 years, it is really all about healing me. Of course, mama health and happiness is KEY all the time, but right now, with an abdominal binder and swelling across 1/3 of my body I am given full permission for it to be about me.

I have slowed down physically. Maybe to catch up not only with this major surgery, but with the last few years of physical change.

Mondays we go for walks. Tuesdays we bake. Wednesdays we try to do something artisitc.  Which is not to say that we can’t explore our “creative side” on other days, but we always dedicate time on Wednesdays for these endeavors.  I am ejoying the growing options as they age!

We color with different types of crayons, pencils, and chalk. We sculpt with “play dough” or actual sculpey clay (and make real things)! We finger paint  and paint with brushes. Watercolor painting, though is our favorite.

So, more often than not, we paint with watercolors. For toddlers it allows a little more opportunity to play with color than with other “thicker” paints that just glob up so quickly and look brown no matter what the combinations. Watercoloring is a little more forgiving in that respect and they seem to be able to control the colors a little more. In the end, their paintings have several distinct colors. Watching the two of them side by side, it is truly amazing to see their different styles and interests. Arlene fills it all up, big strokes and in the end, her paintings are usually more “filled in.” Ada’s paintings seems to have more strokes and lines. She also leans heavily toward blue.

We play music or I’ll sing, or both while we paint. I try to just play around with the colors like them, not painting anything specific. Otherwise , they think it is my brush that makes the pictures on my paper and they want to “svap” with me. This can go on and on…! I am really enjoying their narratives while they paint. They talk about painting eachother, themselves, Papa, Mama, Kinsey, and from time to time Lou-Lou, their canine cousin who lives in Dallas.

We generally follow the same routine everyday with the exception of one major activity. Tuesdays is for baking (or some kind of cooking with the girls if I can’t swing the baking). I had hopes of expanding beyond blueberry muffins, but they love them and I have finally got the recipe down.I like having this routine early in the week because then we have yummy snacks for the week! AND, baking with twins does require a little more of that early week energy…

Some of our weekly routines are even starting to sink in–although a little cross wired. The little, little one said today: “Monday, walking!” OK, so it is Tuesday, baking…but I think they’re getting the idea!

Having our time– for just the two of us, occasionally comes in the form of a night away seeing our favorite band, Widespread Panic.  We need the time and space away from the daily routines to relax a bit, unwind, and have a blast together! We feared a long winter break from our band, but alas their 25th anniversary shows saved us in February! Atlanta was awesome and to boot it was Valentines Day…We met lots of great people, danced and sang along most of the night!

It has taken several days to find the routine and rhythm of home and work, but I think we hit our stride yesterday with a walk at the Museum of Art in Raleigh. They have got great trails surrounding the museum–paved, wooded and all dotted with interesting art structures. We did this walk when the girls were just weeks old and now again for the 1st time since, 2 years old…

We do take walks a lot and I am so grateful the girls are great walkers! I’m so happy that these beautiful strolls make up so much of their time–the movement, the scenery, the smells, the hand holding and the entire experience…creating them!

Now a couple years later…

It took time, but we have finally embraced a weekly rhythm. It is there to guide the days, not dictate them. I find that little extra focus inspiring and meaningful. Each day of the week has an anchor, so to speak,  that the rest of the day is built around.  Monday mornings look like this:

• rise and shine ~good morning song and stories
• preparing breakfast & eating
• clean-up/wash-up/dressing
• circle time ~ a daily routine where we sing songs & nursery rhymes
• play ~ often after circle time we will play for a bit in their room (puzzles, blocks, dolls, etc.)
• our monday anchor (usually around 10) ~ outdoor adventure where we gear up and head out for the morning
• back home for lunch around noon

Mondays = outdoor adventure! We take walks nearly everyday, but Monday is for taking a walk somewhere new and hopefully a little more exciting than our typical neighborhood stroll…So far it hasn’t poured on Mondays, so weather hasn’t derailed us yet. I’m thinking we will get some raincoats and boots so that when Spring springs, we’ll be prepared.

We kneeled over a small bridge and watched this pretty scene for awhile. They loved saying “moss, green…” and “water…move…” The sounds were soothing, too.

Duke Gardens on a very cold morning in January.

View of the grapevines and setting sun on the trees surrounding us (and me in the corner).

October 2008

  My first furry baby, Kinsey

Kinsey Rumba, my shepherd with a lot of personality (mostly a dismissive and aloof type of personality) was my daytime companion when I stopped teaching and mostly ambled around the house, growing two babies. No, no! I took care of  lots of errands, tried to complete the ever-growing “to-do lists” around the house, I cooked and froze food and tried to prep for those babies (mostly I wondered what I would need?!)

People would often ask if I took naps and watched TV and the answer was no, mostly. As I grew in size, sleep was uncomfortable at night so I didn’t want to jeopardize my nighttime slumber with daytime naps. The decision to stay home those latter weeks was not because I was told to or to nap and do nothing, but to generally “rest” and not have the everyday stress of work, which in my case involved teaching high school teenagers history– some of whom are not so eager to add “Sumerian” to their vocabulary.

What helped me along those later months?

• Advocating ~ I learned to advocate for myself much more than I had anticipated. Between doctor’s appointments, work, and life in general! While my doctors were good, they weren’t really helpful in educating me on nutrition, weight gain, and overall health (they treated my pregnancy and I’m sure would have jumped had something been wrong). I did my homework on weight gain, nutrition, etc.
• OB visits ~ Staying on top of regular check-ups (which become seemingly daily near the very end) and asking questions, talking with doctor and finding peace after these appointments (versus stress)!
• Resting~ taking it easy most days while trying to incorporate some light walking and/or stretching.  Since I didn’t;t nap much during the day, I took long, warm baths. I like baths and found this to be a relaxing, peaceful time. I would talk to the babies during these baths, too.
• Eating ~ As I mentioned, trying to follow the Brewer’s Diet (because it was hard) was an important goal–not only for the babies growing inside of me, but for me, and for the babies later! I was committed to breastfeeding the babies and learned that my diet while pregnant could have an impact on my milk, later.
• Hydrating ~the water bottle was a fixture in my hand and is extremely important in any pregnancy!
• Learning ~ I read lots of books about pregnancy,delivery, breastfeeding, & caring for twins during those last few weeks. I looked into La Leche League (international breastfeeding organization) and found local meetings. http://www.llli.org/ I connected with a local twin support group in my area to meet up with other pregnant moms and moms of twins. The advice (even on forums) was extremely useful– www.tmott.org
  
• Being Positive ~ thinking good thoughts, imagining things going right, expecting to carry full-term! When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately set to work on locating a midwife for a home birth. When I found out I was having twins, I understood that would not be my reality…When I told this midwife that I was having twins and would be seeing an OB, she left me with a lasting encouraging message. State your affirmations, imagine those babies growing healthy, turning head down, staying inside of their warm womb for the full-term, envisioning a healthy delivery, seeing myself breastfeed…It was hard to imagine any of these things, let alone all of them!

Having said all of that, I did fret, I did have weird pangs (pre-term labor??!!), I was scared. However, arming myself with the confidence to take charge, learn, prepare and be happy helped me. Helped me through each day, as well as the destination.

I voted too!

Here’s to sharing stories of the here and now while weaving some tales of the past.  First, context.

5 months pregnant and going…Summer of 2008…

I nearly fell off the side of the bath tub when the nurse told me I was pregnant. It was very movie like in that sense (telephone call and all). I had blood drawn at my doctor’s appointment more as routine work-up than a pregnancy test. We wanted to make sure all was “in good working order” before we embarked on getting pregnant.  What?! She was surprised too.  I think she was planning on just reading off some  hormone levels and then making her next call…

It was nearly impossible to contain myself the next several hours before Stephen and I would be alone and I could tell him THE NEWS. We also had a friend staying with us which made things tricky, so as I walked out of the bathroom, a woman with top-secret information, I tried to act “normal.” I don’t know if I normally walk out of the bathroom with a smile, but I did that afternoon!

Once I found out I was carrying twins (in the ER around 9 weeks after a night of bleeding and in most respects, a night where I thought I lost the pregnancy) and realized this was a “high-risk” pregnancy, I made my pact.  I was completely set on carrying these babies full-term. I know mental dedication doesn’t equal success all the time, but perspective and decision making, I believe can have a powerful effect. I started to learn all I could about pregnancy with multiples (twins). Everything I learned made it seem that there were things one could do to make a multiple pregnancy healthier and longer. Diet, stress, lifestyle, and rest.

I started to  follow the Brewer’s Diet ( a higher protein guided diet for pregnancy in general), drinking more water than before (which was  a lot) and if I made it, leaving work at 33 weeks. There was a ton of proof (mostly from Europe where legislation supports earlier maternity leave) indicating that if pregnant (especially twins) women took a leave from work around 32 weeks, they may very well carry longer than if they remained working. It was not an easy decision to leave work earlier, especially with the financial burdens looming of TWINS, but it seemed like the right chance to take.

I made it to 33 weeks, stayed home. 34, 35, 36, 37…37 1/2…38…!! I was enormous. Gaining up to 85lbs near the end…

Who knew my dedicated efforts would lead me to  “exam room collusions” where I’d think up ways to tell the doctor that I was wrong about my dates…that in fact, I am “further along” than we originally thought. I was ready to have these babies! Given that at 38 weeks they seemed to be  “weeks late” given all the talk of “get to 34 weeks…36 ideally…”

So, we scheduled the C-section (in case I didn’t go into labor, which I didn’t) for 11/18/08, the first day we saw snow down here. Seemed like a good sign to me, given my roots go back to the North where snow is all abundant.

Brewer Diet Info: http://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/