I was struggling to put together a nature/science block for December all last month. I deliberated. I read. I had ideas. I lost ideas. Yet, I don’t like to engage in intellectual, abstract studies with them and all too many of my ideas seemed to rely on ME telling them something. However, their curiosity in the natural world beckoned some anchors.  After all my great reading and engaging ideas, many of them were just too ambitious and not authentic to what I’m striving for in these early years. Then it dawned on me. Why not just take them to various ecosystems during a week-long period (as to provide that contrast in a short time period) as their nature block?!

Mondays we typically do a morning lesson and a handwork project. I had an idea  that for handwork we could make ecosystem journals to use hiking for the week. The notebooks would provide them with those “anchors” the various parts of an ecosystem and a place to sketch and doodle as they pleased.

Journals were a success and so was our first ecosystem exploration– grasslands.

Within a couple miles of driving east, it is clear you’re in a different landscape. Suddenly the foothills and mountains are replaced with gentle rolling hills, flat wide expanses of land, large deciduous trees, ditches and creeks . The grassland area we hiked was nestled between some homes and farms- many parts of the area restricted in an effort to protect burrowing raptors as well as other birds of prey. The American Bald Eagle apparently likes to hunt in this area and according to one of my books, we were sure to spot some overhead or atop a tree. Hawks too are numerous in the area and indeed, we saw both and more.

I was amazed that after so little conversation about the parts of an ecosystem that they could put together the concept behind an ecosystem. Saying things like, the hawks are here because the prairie dogs are and they want to hunt them. These grasses must like the dirt here because we don’t see them anywhere else. Fun stuff.

We hiked along the trail which was easy with some gentle slopping. We walked through and by various grasses, yuccas, and spent summer flowers such as sunflowers. We saw many prairie dogs, a Western Kingbird and a few other songbirds.  It wasn’t until we sat down along the trail for lunch that we spotted the hawks and then eagles soaring overhead, looking for an opportunity. The rather talkative, barky prairie dogs instantly quieted and froze. The girls were totally impressed with their ability to freeze like that! It was amazing after all that activity and barking that they could hold still and camouflage in so well! The predators circled overhead for some time– the bald eagles in a pair with immense their wingspans and beautiful glide. We spotted the hawk, lighter in color and slightly smaller later as we hiked back out.

It was a pretty cold day, but when the sunshine came out from behind the clouds, we all relaxed into it. We even talked about how this would be a difficult place for animals in the summer since there were so few places to seek cover. Old cottonwoods grew in and along the ditches along the trails and they both suggested that was probably where water collected.

It was a sweet time with amazing connections, hand holding and happiness.

I’d like to reflect on one end of the parenting spectrum, the permissive, that is seemingly absent from my life. I’ve struck a very nice balance with that middle ground and increasingly I’m seeing opportunities for my girls’ wills to surface more and more and for my role to be more neutral, when possible. That’s not to say there aren’t those I’m the boss moments, hours…but I’m learning how to react slower and find that new language.

Permissiveness has been equated with neglect in my experience and yet, I think there’s something to learn from letting  go, being more easy going, putting things off from time to time, abstain from wallowing in worries or anxiety (like my mom), but to be THERE, the here and now stuff, together to see what happens. I’d like more of this to flow from me because the times I am FORCED to do nothing and just BE, like when we’re ill or a night that comes to me so vividly — one of my daughters landed in the ER from a big fall– are so rich in the experience and now the memory. I feel as if I can recount each second from our night in the ER together, lying on the bed, my hand brushing her hair from her forehead, the light in the room, her breathing, the way my body felt, her gaze–all of it comes back to me in such rich detail. Of course it was a crisis of sorts (everything is OK, but she had some serious stitches to her sweet face) and I slowed it all down. I could have been pacing, texting my husband about what was happening or not happening. We were there for a some time — before and after, just absorbing the present.

I’m goal-oriented, motivated, creative… and it is no big surprise that I came from a rather inert home environment. I equate not producing, not making, not doing with NOT living. Not being in tune with me or my siblings was largely the result of my mother’s inability– she just couldn’t handle much at all.  I have a difficult time just lazing, just being and I do see value in it- ironically!! 🙂 I think in my young adult life it took some time to get around to just BEING and now with children, I’ve re-faced that challenge, but with a lot more weight to it.

The presence of some parenting styles, ways of being serve roles, protect us and the absence of some might have served/serve us too. Understanding that is so important a first step. I didn’t really see or connect my aversion with that distant end –permissiveness with my past…

Photos below found mysteriously on my camera. I think they’re Ada’s.

We live in the mountains or rather the foothills of the Rockies at 5500 feet. After living here for awhile I’ve started to feel like I live at sea level and that being in the mountains requires 5,000 more feet in elevation. So, we went to the mountains.

We went to the mountains the week before Thanksgiving and had ourselves a glorious time! A friend graciously offered us her home in the mountains- stunning views, trails, meadows, wildlife and peace all around.  No one. No TV. No internet. No phones. After two weeks of being ill, followed by a an overly booked weekend of potlucks and birthday parties (4) and family visiting, I couldn’t have planned the timing of this retreat ANY better.

(Above) This was the second sight of my first morning. First was Arlene’s sweet face beside me

The roses of our trip: watching coyotes walk across the meadow, hiking in wild woods, following tracks in the snow, discovering a bird “haven” in the forest, snowshoeing, sledding, waking up at night to admire the starry sky, beautiful dinners that began with hand holding all around, cooking  and baking (gluten-free cookies!) together in the kitchen, the howling wind, playing games, discovering “extra” time throughout our week– to read, play, take another walk…to just be.

There was a beautiful, seamless rhythm to the week- the girls created the most imaginative games and “worlds” together, were truly thrilled to head out into the woods for hours every day–even with gusts of 50-70mph one day! Stephen and I had wonderful talks together, truly enjoying one another without distraction and we totally geeked out reading natural science books. We diagramed the mountain ranges and various rivers and the ecosystems, we flipped through bird books to identify that unusual yellow bird (grosbeak) that came to our ledge.

The beauty and peace begins to seep into you. You begin to listen to your body a little more closely. You sigh more deeply.  You smile a lot more. I talk less –maybe an effect of the altitude? 😉 That’s the case for me. When I moved from NYC to upstate New York for college, I felt it. My blood pressure decreased, my awe increased.

We lose ourselves and rediscover ourselves. The girls did it and so did we.

I grew up under less than ideal or “typical” circumstances in NYC.- alcoholic, poor, pretty broken at times…I lived with my mother and 3 siblings, father was absent from a young age.

There were no rules, no expectations, no routines, no rhythms. In fact, by a young age, I started to make my own and embrace those that did exist in the world for my own sanity. We could do what we wanted, when we wanted and really, the sky was the limit. School for example, we just didn’t have to go. Neither of my brothers went much and suffered as a result. However, one day I decided I’d stay home from school and my mother said fine. Twenty minutes later, I thought, wait, I want to go! I don’t want to sit here and watch TV all day! I think because of the lack of structure, stability, safety in my home, I took to school and made it MY thing. In fact, as I look back that was the start of creating some sort of structure for myself– network of healthy adults (neighbors, teachers, etc.) that I took to running in high school, loved reading and doing homework, found outlets for my creative interests.

The lack of limits and routines made for an ungrounded, at times frightening upbringing–one whose lingering effects weave in and out of my life to this day, although infrequently now. I think about this often as I parent and school my children. I’m infinitely curious about this groundedness that folks grow up with (like my husband), the security he embodies because he grew up with boundaries, affection, care…

It is hard to reflect on our family rhythm  without touching on other aspects of my upbringing such as the lack of care, love and health of my family.

I intuitively came to know that I needed some structure and created it for myself as a child. Today, this path of parenting has taught me to see and act on things from love and practicality– perhaps the absence of parenting heritage might be a blessing in disguise as I’m not loaded with it’s weight and legacy.

Trying to collect my thoughts on last week as we drive along route 1 in California. It’s bumpy and I’m singing panic as we go…
We arrived at Yosemite early Monday from Reno. Reno, surprisingly was a success is more ways than one! I hadn’t expected much from the casino city, but I found a sweet Ashtanga studio, great food, and a casino/smoke-free hotel!
I’m always reluctant to explore the larger more popular national parks, but Yosemite seed to be calling. Just a hop away from the festival in the Sierra Nevada and then another hop to San Francisco, it made senses. I was curious about all the talk of the valley and these granite mounds?! Our visit started with a perfect little hike at tuolomne meadows to Dog Lakes. The girls were amazing and we followed their lead! Their Boulder hikes were paying off. Vertical ascent into the forest? Got it! Meandering meadows? Wonderful. We built some cairns along the way and sat out in a granite boulder at the end of the hike.
We found a great camping site behind a outcropping of boulders at the end of the campground at Porcupine Flats. The girls pulled out their camping chairs, kicked up their heels and got right down to business! Telling stories, creating concoctions and making plans. Stephen and I busied ourselves with setting up camp, but soon had to hurry some more as rain was coming in. Oh how I prefer camping in the desert!
The next day we visited a grove of sequoia. With the girls encouragement, we all crawled through a fallen and hollow sequoia, surviving it’s tapering end. The adventures we have because of our children!

What did we learn from Yosemite and our children those 4 days? Keep it simple! While our ambitious hikes often yield lovely experiences, keeping it slow and simple while hiking and camping is surely an avenue to explore. Again and again. The hours we spent wading in the Merced River in Yosemite’s valley, sitting around the campfire, making trails in the woods behind our tent, snuggling and chuckling in the tent (morning and night) were definitely the most precious and fulfilling.

Mary and Lloyd’s visit was wonderful. We sketched out lots of trip ideas and promised we’d give them a couple days to acclimate before hiking at the high elevation. Of course we ended up
hiking at Chautauqua the very first full day. We explored beautiful Rocky Mountain National Park, rode the carousel in Nederland, celebrated the summer solstice with friends, lazed at the pool, walked Pearl Street (some of us barefoot) and drank coffee. Stephen and I caught a couple concerts, hiked an amazing trail and were blown away by the sparkly night
sky at Rainbow Lakes. We awoke to cool mountain air and a warm campfire. We smiled a whole lot.
The next week was just as full and balanced. Our weeks together took on their own rhythm — Lloyd’s morning walks, Mary and the girls’ bookmaking projects, Stephen and I catching a run or yoga. Baseball time! More hikes! Denver Botanic Gardens, Red Rocks Amphitheater, the pool…Sundays started with the quiet reflection
of Quaker Meeting.
Saying goodbye was difficult. One of the hardest aspects of moving out west was moving away from Gommie and Poppie. It’s been so special to watch their relationship grow these years. It was incredible to see it come into bloom so easily these last weeks . It was comforting to know we will see them in a few months, but still hard to say goodbye.
It wasn’t long after being home that the wheels started turning. Maybe we should embark on a little travel adventure sooner than next week! One of our most adventurous adventures before the girls started with: where’s Panic playing tonight? That morning 7 years ago in southern Utah ended with us in Alpine, California that night. This particular day after dropping the family off at the airport was defined with a similar question and a similar answer. Panic? California in 3 days. We mulled it over, checked out some maps, skipped the beer and started planning our trip to Panic in California. If we’re going to California, why not Yosemite? Aunt Diana? The beach!? See some seals on the coast! Swing back to Utah from Texas? End up in Zion before home?
What a full wonderful unbroken circle!

Today we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves at the girls’ dance rehearsal. I have to say, their class got an awesome song and dance. It was really funny and it felt like a quintessential parent moment–nervous giggles, palms sweaty– that was us! Would they do OK? Run off stage? Oh no, did they use the bathroom before they went on stage?!

It was great and tomorrow is the BIG day!

Link of their rehearsal is below–enjoy!

I have borrowed this idea from another blog- capturing one moment from the week in a single photo, something I’d like to remember beyond this week. The day started with difficult feelings way too early in the morning. I was reminded of the importance of patience. Just 2 seconds of pause allows me to embrace a better response. Ada embroidering later in the day reminds me of the possibilities, the forgiveness and second chances each day holds.