Mojave in my Heart

From a not-so childlike beginning in New York City to my child inspired world here and now

Arriving Here in Colorado

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2 cars, 2 children, 1 aging dog, all the “stuff” we couldn’t fit in the pods, 1700 miles, a few days, speeding ticket, a hundred year storm (during which we lost our temporary tag), an unexpected stay in Colby, Kansas (loved the old downtown), a flood, missing pods… OH, we’re here!

With the recent move I’ve had thoughts of reviving my writing and posting here more. This part of our “journey” that  began years ago with dreamy talks of moving “west”, took root late July. Returning from our beautiful trip to Texas, we were inspired– the world IS still our oyster! While home felt as wonderful as ever, we were confused and challenged with immediate decisions which even a nice vacation could not make go away. The decisions were beginning to overwhelm us. I felt trapped and increasingly depressed about the situation. I tempered those feelings of despair with the reality that our life was extremely fortunate– we had a wonderful life! We were healthy, we had a wonderful home, a job, supportive family and friends. Maybe we just couldn’t have it all! Yet, it certainly was an inner conflict on a level rarely experienced.  I had a resolute position on what I believed I should be doing with my life…I should be with the girls right now.  Not pursuing that option would stand in contrast to one of my firmest beliefs.  Well doubt comes dancing about and settles in– second-guessing follows.  I was in a constant loop of indecision. Was I going to return to teaching in the fall? Would the girls go to preschool? Increasingly I felt as if I were having to make decisions that I really didn’t want to make, but had to make…

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When doors really began to close, freedom descended! Initially of course I felt sick when those doors closed, no exaggeration. However, I also felt liberated–like well, now WE HAVE to come up with other plans! The future started to take shape even before we had firm plans. We talked all into the night every night, about so many things. We let the dust settle and many of our priorities remained crystal clear. We wanted to explore the homeschooling option more thoroughly and make our decision for the right reasons. We wanted to improve the job situation, the educational climate we lived in, we wanted to remain strong role models for the girls– to continue to live our dreams, to immerse ourselves in a place with more outdoor opportunities and mountains, maybe? Now we were really dreaming!

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Stephen and I came together only by incredible leaps of faith. We began to see the signs just a step or two ahead of us very clearly and started making the plans and taking the very exciting yet incredibly stressful steps to put it into action. We sold the house, Stephen found a job, we reduced our belongings, found a new home for the feathered girls, said goodbye to family and friends. I do miss Durham in countless ways. I miss my first real “home” and think of it often. I lived there longest of any house! I miss friends and family, but I also feel so right where we are right now.

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One small piece of wisdom that has evolved in these months is that when you take control of your life, you’re far more equipped to handle the obstacles, the disappointments and dramas, because certainly this has not been a bowl of cherries, but I’ve really never been happier.

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One thought on “Arriving Here in Colorado

  1. I love hearing your thoughts and your journey. You inspire us. Thanks!

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